Words of Wisdom from Charles Haddon Spurgeon:
There is no attribute more comforting to His children than that of God’s Sovereignty. Under the most adverse circumstances, in the most severe trials, they believe that Sovereignty has ordained their afflictions, that Sovereignty overrules them, and that Sovereignty will sanctify them all. There is nothing for which the children ought more earnestly to contend than the doctrine of their Master over all creation–the Kingship of God over all the works of His own hands–the Throne of God and His right to sit upon that Throne.
On the other hand, there is no doctrine more hated by world lings, no truth of which they have made such a football,
as the great, stupendous, but yet most certain doctrine of the Sovereignty of the infinite Jehovah. Men will allow God to be everywhere except on His throne. They will allow Him to be in His workshop to fashion worlds and make stars. They will allow Him to be in His almonry to dispense His alms and bestow His bounties. They will allow Him to sustain the earth and bear up the pillars thereof, or light the lamps of heaven, or rule the waves of the ever moving ocean; but when God ascends His throne, His creatures then gnash their teeth, and we proclaim an enthroned God, and His right to do as He wills with His own, to dispose of His creatures as He thinks well, without consulting them in the matter; then it is that we are hissed and execrated, and then it is that men turn a deaf ear to us, for God on His throne is not the God they love. But it is God upon the throne that we love to preach. It is God upon His throne whom we trust.
Oh no, Old Trek Humor:
I found this file hiding in an OLD archive file back from the days of the BBS (if you know what a Fidonet BBS was, or even is, you are either old, or have some problem with the Internet). Don’t know where it came from, as it was forwarded to me by someone else. But, it’s pretty funny:
TOP 21 signs that the Enterprise is nearing the end of its warranty
21) Impulse engines stall when used in reverse.
20) Digital speedometer on the helm console is stuck at “88”.
19) Shields to work on alternate Fridays.
18) Rust problem in engineering causes support failure: one corner of
warp coil is now held up by a phone book.
17) Computer fails to process and instructions beginning with “w”.
16) Booster cables become permanent fixtures in the transporter room.
15) Captain’s chair must be propped up against the screen to keep the
image from flickering.
14) Guinan stops wearing large, heavy hats for fear of falling through
the squeaky part of the floor in 10-forward.
13) Main sensor array is unable to pick up anything except CBS.
12) Lower part of the bridge falls even lower and ramps along either
side become to steep for the bridge crew to climb.
11) Turbolift cannot climb past deck 5 when there are more than 2 people
10) Holodeck becomes caught into an infinite loop: the ship is overcome
by ten thousand care bears.
9) Ship cannot enter warp while food dispenser is making Kraft macaroni
and cheese. (Or should I say Kraft cheese and macaroni?)
8) Food dispenser in 10-forward will only serve light beer.
7) Bug in the main computer’s speech processor: computer voice will
either stutter or talk like Barbara Walters.
6) Untraceable glitch in the plumbing periodically replaces water in
Wesley’s shower with frozen concentrated orange juice.
5) Ship’s dryer indiscriminately shreds crew’s uniforms, and related
problem in fabrication machinery will only produce new clothing with
Roger Rabbit caricature prominently displayed.
4) Computer refuses to carry out commands unless captain says “Pretty
please, with sugar on it.”
3) Riker is unable to sleep for 2 weeks when holodeck computer crashes
and loses access to the jazz band program.
2) Replacement parts for automatic door to captain’s ready room are
exhausted, and the door must be replaced with bead curtains.
1) Saucer section separates whenever the ship makes a left turn.
Ten-Forward Dinner Menu
Jean-Luc Burger: Plain, no fixings, except for a little lettuce around the edges.
Worf Burger: Have it your way. Any other way would be dishonorable.
Riker Burger: Lots of mayonnaise.
Geordi Burger: You need a special visor to be able to see it.
Borg Burger: Your way is irrelevant.
Data Burger: Would give up all the extra toppings to be made of real beef.
Odo Burger : You can have it this way, or this way, or this way…
Kira Burger: I did NOT sign up for this!
Wes Burger: On white bread with mayonnaise
Quark Burger: Purports to be 100% beef, but is actually soy substitute, and picks your pocket while you’re not looking.
Q Burger: Eat them and the only weight you gain is in ego.
Tasha Burger: It’ll come up again later after it’s gone.
Sela Burger: Looks like a juicy Tasha Burger, but tries to take over the menu.
Felton Burger: Doesn’t appear on the menu, and can only be seen around the kitchen looking good.
Picard Burger: No sesame seeds on the bun.
Cardassian Burger: How many pickles do you see?
Bashir Burger: Just a burger, but thinks it’s a Big Mac.
Original Star Trek Potato Chip Eating Game
Eat a chip if any of the following occur:
Bones says “He’s dead, Jim.”
Bones points out he’s a doctor, not a ___________
Kirk gets the girl
Kirk outwits a computer
Kirk violates the prime directive
Kirk’s shirt gets ripped
Kirk bluffs his out
Kirk takes responsibility for the whole crew
Kirk saves the day with a stirring speech
Kirk kisses the girl
Kirk says “We come in peace” and “shoot to kill” in the same sentence
Kirk says “Phasers on stun”
Spock shows emotion
Spock uses the Vulcan neck pinch
Spock looks into the science station
Spock refers to the doctor as illogical
Spock says “Fascinating” or “Indeed”
Scotty complains about the warp speed requested/demanded
Scotty pulls off a miraculous technological feat
Scotty says “The engines canna take much more a this, Captain”
Chekov promotes Russian history
Chekov says “But Keptin….”
Chekov pronounces a ‘w’ like a ‘v’
Sulu sets course
Sulu has the con
Uhura says “Hailing frequencies open”
Uhura opens a channel in all frequencies and all languages
Yeoman Rand gives Kirk something to initial
Yeoman Rand serves coffee
Nurse Chapel lusts after Spock
Kyle makes his appearance as transporter chief
Lt. Leslie appears or is mentioned
A redshirt dies
The weapons are powerless
The transporter is inoperative
Dilithium crystals are drained/inoperative/missing
The shields are about to collapse
The Enterprise goes faster than it is possibly able to
The Enterprise is taken over by a superior alien power
You see a styrofoam planet or a planet with no atmosphere
A newly discovered planet is “Much like Earth”
Klingon and Romulan technology is mixed up
Special effects people cannot tell phasers from photon torpedoes
Scarf a whole bag if any of the following occur:
Kirk does not get the girl
Sulu gets a sword
Major character dies/is assumed dead
Starfleet exhonorates the crew for their violation of regulations/orders
The episode was blatantly ripped off by ST:TNG
Lt. Leslie speaks
Anybody makes a “historical” reference to the 20th century